While I’m not a big fan of most mainstream holidays, I really do love Thanksgiving. I think part of this stems from the fact that it’s a holiday that really stays in its own lane. We’re inundated with heart-shaped everything around Valentine’s Day and the patriotic porn of the Fourth of the July just rings hollow and Halloween has become a juggernaut and don’t even get me started on the madness that’s Christmas.... but Thanksgiving has remained kind of chill. There’s not the stress and complicated logistics of trying to see absolutely everyone, the way there is with Christmas, and there are no overtones of doom as sometimes happens at birthdays. The opinion factor doesn’t factor in the way it does with weddings, we’re not participating in a ritual for a religion we don’t actually belong to, and there’s no gift-giving pressure.
It probably helps that I really like to cook, so a celebration that largely centers around food is definitely in my wheelhouse. We have an enormous dining room table that has, over the years, been able to seat many, many people who otherwise might not have had a place to go; my notion of “family” becomes very expansive this time of year. Most of all, I appreciate that everyone can find something to be grateful for.
There’s a lot of information out there about the positive effects of practicing gratitude. It’s something that can and should be a part of everyday life, not just Thanksgiving; but it can also be hard to summon if you’re feeling weighted down by day-to-day cares, stress, job, bills, etc. Especially in the last year and half, it’s been really easy to look around and see all the things that aren’t quite what they ought to be, all the family events we’re missing, the friends we can’t see, the jobs that evaporated, the uncertainty surrounding everyday interactions. Whether it makes you tired or sad or angry or defiant or whatever, there’s no getting away from the fact that we’ve lost a lot since the pandemic started. But there’s always room for gratitude, even if the best you can do is “I’m thankful it isn’t even worse.”
I realize this isn’t the case for everyone: there’s a reason there are so many jokes about obnoxious uncles talking politics at the Thanksgiving table. For people who struggle with family issues, the holidays can feel like a months-long nightmare. Some people feel isolated or lonely. Not everyone feels surrounded by abundance. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last decade, it’s the power of being able to break with expectations and make something your own. Quite often, our table includes chosen family rather than blood relatives. We have our own rituals and traditions leading up to it. Thanksgiving has gone from a day I endured to one of the highlights of my year, a day when I can gather in the people that shape all the other days of my life and show them how grateful I am for their presence.
Years ago, my friend had this quote as part of the signature line in her email: At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us - Albert Schweitzer
May this season be a time for you to fan your flame.