Having healthy boundaries is the topic of conversation this month at Coventry. I drew Coventry Magic Oracle cards on them, Patty is writing about healing boundary issues, and our Witches Union Spell caster card is about sending someone out of your life. I want to take a slightly different tact on boundaries in this month’s Live the Magic article and talk about how to keep your boundaries fluid and influential.
We don’t think about these things every day and except in crisis, “How are my boundaries feeling today?” is not top of mind. We only pay attention to where we end and someone else begins when there is pain and drama. What if I told you that you can use you’re your boundaries to create magic? Not only can you, you do it every day. In my book Coventry Magic with Candles Oils and Herbs, I dedicate a whole chapter to “Spheres of Influence.” Spheres of influence are your boundaries in action.
“Take a moment and think about who influences your life. No, not Prada, and it’s time to let the Reagan Era go. I am talking about who really influences your day-to-day life. If you are still living with your parents, then I would say that they are influencing your life, but the guy who sits next to you at work influences your life as well, and so does the salesperson who told you that outfit looked great. Your every day is influenced by many people and people you don’t even know.” Coventry Magic, P13
Where our boundaries touch each other is where we influence others and in turn are changed by their perspective.
“In world political terms, the sphere of influence is when one governmental power has influence within or over another government. In personal political terms, it is all the people who are affected by your actions and all the people who affect you. You place yourself within others’ spheres by the choices you make and the way you act within those spheres of influence. So what in the world does this have to do with candle magic?
“Think about it this way: When you send out a ripple into these spheres, it does end up returning to you (they are circular). When you want something, cast a spell for something; it does fill your own sphere. You send out fishing lines of energy to see if anyone responds and can help manifest this energy. It’s not like you took out a billboard on the side of Route 66; you are not recruiting for Amway. The energy of your spell is looking for a response and a way to manifest so it will test what and who you know first. Any intention you create needs the connection or influence of another body to manifest.” Coventry Magic, P13
You make magic when you consciously and with intent, send ripples through those spheres. As your sphere touches another, theirs touches another and on and on and on.
“These spheres of influence are the stepping stones to attaining that magical goal. There is that old saying, ‘you are your friends.’ If you surround yourself with people (including family) that are negative, then it takes a lot of energy to break through that. I can’t count the number of times I have sat in counsel with clients who just want to be able to make the rent every month. When it came down to it, they were surrounded by family that just sucked up anything positive that came their way. Then there are the clients who worked in such a toxic situation that it scrambled their brains until they thought there would never be another job for them ever. It is very hard for your magic to take root in toxic situations like these. Even mildly toxic situations, like a friend who is always in crisis, can suck up your energy so there is nothing left for you.” Coventry Magic, P15
In other words – network you magic! It takes 2 people to manifest any spell so send it out on the wire, talk about what you are looking for, get advice, make contacts and see how much faster you are able to make that intent into reality.
Try this, take the Intuition Affirmation candle (and holder) and place it in the center of a large circle drawn on paper. Light the candle, say your intent and ask for the magic to ripple through your sphere quickly to bring to you what you need. Then draw another circle intersecting that first one, then another circle that overlaps both and on and on until you fill up the paper with interlocking circles. Around the edge to the paper, write your intent and draw arrows toward your candle to bring it to you faster.
The Intuition Affirmation candle helps you instinctively know where to connect to make magic happen. For the next three days, tell three people what your goal is. You will start to see lots of sign that you message is getting through and your intention fulfilled. You have to look for these signs as they don’t necessarily come in the way you expect.
Burn the candle for 9 days total, or as long as the candle lasts. After the 9th day, discard of everything from this spell and release it to the universe. The bigger your intent and change, the longer it will take to get to you, make sure you put in the work.
Aunt Jacki says – go make some magic!
You can find Coventry Magic with Candles, Oils and Herbs as well as the Intuition Affirmation candle at www.coventrycreations.com.
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I hate transition and I love it at the same time.
I hate the chaos, but I love the removal of what is holding my in a place of pain.
I love the fresh, new feel, but I hate the fears brought out by letting go.
Some, like me, embrace change and welcome the opportunity to evolve and some will hold back change until the last moment until the choice to evolve or die. I love this quote by Kristin Armstrong, 3 time gold medal cyclist.
“Times of transition are strenuous, but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want.” Kristin Armstrong*
If we think about transition as an opportunity to build a new normal that we define ourselves, it becomes a natural evolution instead of a rip and tear.
Transition is opportunity to level up to what it is you are desiring to create in your life. We are in a time of transition socially and astrologically and they are coming in hot, forcing more change than is comfortable. Things are happening fast and it seems to take over your life and stopping from you from making traction on what you really want. But is it? Is it interfering or enabling what you really want? Is this a setback or a level up? That, my friend, is up to you and your wants and desires may be at the core of why all this transition is happening.
What you want to level up isn’t necessarily always ambition. Yes, most often it’s something like a better job. Society tell us to strive for more, better, faster and we often succumb to that pressure showing us a standard meaning for these transitions. There is another thing I see happening with all the change happening in our world these days – our secret needs and desires are finding their voice and forcing some transitions of their own. Since you are the secret needs and desires, look for the deeper into these changes and discover what you are telling yourself. Are you needing more quiet? More peace? More time with the family? Are you needing to slow down?
When you allow yourself to flow with the change presented, you are co-creating with the divine. The space of co-creation is the sweet spot of magic where you get the biggest result for the smallest effort. This is the perfect opportunity to make that new normal, that new reality, just the way you want it.
Stop, breathe, listen and change – embrace the magic of Needed Change
Your magic formula for navigating transition and change is easy:
Start with Needed Change, Truth & Justice and Prosperity Blessed Herbal candles (or the Transition Blessing Kit). The Needed Change is help you let go of what no longer works for you and embrace the new. The Truth & Justice it to help you hear that inner truth and cut thru the mental clutter and the Prosperity is to anchor this transition into your life in a fortunate way.
Light the candle and just relax and let your mind float and unwind. A light, silent meditation is great way to do that. Set the intent that you are going to flow with the change and infuse yourself with this magic.
Go about your life, never leaving a burning candle unattended. Relight the candles at least once a day to reinfuse your intent with magic. You will find that the answers to your frustrations present themselves in a calm and actionable way. Watch as what no longer serves you just falls away.
For the big transitions, use the full size candles to commit to at least 5 days of setting your intent. The blessing kits are perfect for a smaller change or need.
You can also shortcut all of this and get the Limited Edition Firecracker candle and quicken that transition or bust the blocks that are in your way! The dragon charm reminds you daily that you are generating magical energy and helps to use that quickening to manifest your goal.
You can find all the candles at coventrycreations.com or ask for them at your favorite spiritual retailer.
Now – go make some magic and change your life!
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Before you start looking for who has taken a bite out of your empowerment, or who you may have given away your power to, you may want to make sure you are not the source of your own power drain. Have you become part of the culture of negativity? It’s a sneaky one and it can take hold without you even realizing.
Your own power drain starts within you. If you find yourself in the center of stress, unrest, sabotage and general negative beings look within to see how you got there. This personal sabotage starts with negative self-talk, manifests into self-sabotaging actions and ends up with you identifying and surrounding yourself with others like you.
We all seek out those who will validate our current state of energy, even if we bring others down to our state of crabbiness.
Every human being has to deal with negativity in one way or another and it’s no good to stick your head in the sand and to ignore it. The best bet is to face it head on and understand what your contribution is to it. If you are reading this and think about whom in your life needs to understand what their contribution to the toxicity in your life, you need to stop looking around you and start looking in the mirror. Negativity is not about others, it’s about US. It’s about the person looking back in the mirror to you and your part in the play.
Negative self-talk is a reflection of inner defeat
When we let those toxic self-thoughts take a front seat in our brains, we cut ourselves off of life and living because we are always looking for ways to prove our thoughts. Remember, our subconscious will always look for ways to prove and manifest our beliefs even if it is to your demise. Your beliefs will always replay in your thoughts creating a vicious circle of negativity. In other words, what goes on inside of our heads becomes our lives and reality.
Negativity will always justify itself
We are all experts with our own motivations that allow our negative thoughts to cut us off from life. This facilitates justifying our actions as a response to the things that happen to us, making nothing our fault. If everything is the fault of another, no responsibly can be taken for our own actions; we will perpetually be the victim in every scenario. When you are always the victim, you can never empower yourself to make a different decision or take a new action. From this place, all blame is projected onto another and all power is given to that other person to make or break our well being. If the antagonist in your life is horrible enough, it also justifies your negative behavior to them – of course as a response to what they are doing to you!
Negativity chooses your friends for you.
Misery loves company and we will always look for partners, advocates and companions to validate our experiences. When you are in a place of negativity, you will surround yourself with people who think the same way – you will always find someone to commiserate with you, then you both hold on for dear life!
Your friends are your mentors, their actions validate and inspire your actions; even shaping the way you think. One thought process feeds the other and a group of negative people send each other into a spiral right down into chaos and pain. Remember, you become your environment so choose wisely. When choosing your friends you need to choose them based on their spirits (a fancy spiritual word for motivation)
By the way, have you ever noticed that innately negative people tend to really be irritated by positive people?
We currently live in a generation that caters to negativity. Social networking, for one, has welcomed a world of spewing negativity and not taking responsibility for what we do or say. There is an acceptance of being keyboard warriors that spout out hurtful and negative thought then wrap it up in lovely little "pseudo spiritual terms" like "speaking my truth" or “That’s what Spirit is telling me”. When your language goes out of its way to hurt another human being it’s no longer spiritual no matter what wrapping paper you use to wrap it up.
Of course, I have some remedies for that negative talk. When you take an active part in your transformation from that negative spiral into an empowered way of reacting the effect is profound and life changing.
Power of thought and inner dialog – transforming the negative into positive
You are the meanest person you know… at least to yourself. If you can’t be supportive to yourself, how can others? Even if they are nice, you won’t believe them.
Step 1 - Clear the negativity
Reversing Motor City Hoo Doo candle
Uncrossing Motor City Hoo Doo oil
Van Van Motor City Hoo Doo candle
Changing your self-dialogue is a big process, you are breaking a habit that is decades old.
Start by listing all of your negative self-talk for a week. Keep a little paper journal and write in it every time you put yourself down or chastise yourself. After that week, pull out the Reversing candle place it in a candle holder and read aloud to it all of the negative things you say about yourself. Place the little journal under the candle holder. Light the candle every day until the black has been consumed.
Once black wax has burnt away, pull out the little journal, anoint it with Uncrossing oils and burn it (carefully). You are transforming your negativity into positive self-views. Light the Van Van candle with the remaining Reversing candle to let go of this part of yourself and your behavior. Light these candles every day when you are home (put them out when you leave) Let them burn until they are done.
Step 2 - Bring in the positive
Tranquil Home Motor City Hoo Doo candle
Lucky 7 Motor City Hoo Doo candle
Crown of Glory Motor City Hoo Doo oil
Set this second part of your spell in a different room, or a different part of the room. Anoint the Tranquil Home and the Lucky 7 candles with the Crown of Glory oil. Anoint the bottom of your feet with the Crown of Glory oil. These two candles are to bring in a new behavior of celebrating, forgiving and believing in yourself. This takes a lot of work - Every day when you light these candles and anoint your feet, state aloud the good and wonderful things that you experience every day. Take time, daily, to find something about yourself that you value and express that gratitude. Take a quiet moment to find that inner peace that brings an understanding of your place in the universe.
Keep this up every day until the candles are gone and you will find yourself in a new mind set.
For extra credit, find something nice to say or do for the random people that cross your path.
It just hasn’t been fun lately. At times rewarding, profound, intense, life changing, but not fun. Even writing this Live the Magic article started out as seriousness. The theme this month is feeling overwhelmed and that is exactly how I am feeling right now. I now know that an overwhelmed person writing an article on feeling overwhelmed is painful to write and even more painful to read. As I took a look at my first draft my initial response was, “I lost all my fun!” and all this deep seriousness is kind of draining. I put it away, whined to my friends and then realized a re-write was in order. Not just a rewrite but a refill of my soul with FUN! A guide to witchy fun is in order.
Now – where did I put those instructions on how to turn life into fun?
That’s right! They are right here in front of me in the Witches Union Products. How about that, I tricked myself 12 months ago to create my own fun by creating these new products. Thank goodness for inadvertently pre-planning because I need a rest from feeling overwhelmed right now. I need to make fun of the seriousness of life – you with me? Let’s get started
The Witch’s guide to putting the fun back into life.
Smoke and mirrors! Start here with your glamour magic. Put on your witch-i-est outfit, all of it. Layer if you need to but put on all trappings of witchery you have; from the tip of your pointed hat to the tip of your pointed boots. Strap your witch on! Now, look at what is left over. It’s all serious stuff and desperately needs your glamour magic skills. It’s time to mix every muggle outfit with just a touch of witchery. If you are not sure where to start, I have just the thing – The Witches Union patches. Pop one on those on your favorite jacket or even make brilliantly colored sash to show off how bad ass you are with your spellcasting prowess. All the witches in town will be sooo jealous!
What’s in your cauldron? There is a lot of amazing witchery that can be created in the kitchen. Just making a roast can be an exercise in spell casting! You don’t have to be an amazing cook to find joy in kitchen witchery – you don’t even have to cook to cast that food spell. You just have to fill your cauldron with joy. Eat with gusto! Power up your popover and digest your spell until every cell in your body is magical! A quick way to start is to grab a Witches Union Coffee Cauldron to start your day with or remind yourself throughout the day that you are indeed a witch and act accordingly!
Drain the brain of what stresses you out. There is no shortage annoyance in this social media world. Keyboard warriors and their unending opinions (yours included) can take up space in your brain and dull your spell casting chops. Take a break from the digital and pick up your pen. There is a magic in taking pen to paper and giving you woes up to goddess of inspiration. It’s a small price for a giant gain in clear thinking. How much easier is it to cast a few out of my way spells when you brain is free of clutter. Grab a Witches Union Magic Journal for your witchy thoughts and flex your witch muscles in preparation for your next life changing spell. What better way to pre-plan your fun!
Put the package all together and amp up the fun! When you get your supplies together for casting some fun in your life, dedicate them to creating fun! Grab some Wicked Good sprays and Energetic oils and make it so: Cinnamon, Date and Vanilla Energetic oils to anoint your tools with and Dragon’s Blood spray to energize and make the fun happen!
Above all – have fun and bring your witch with you wherever you go!
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